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| Discipline... One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was acting up during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
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| Blind Date Joe sets up his friend Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack. That'll give you an excuse to cancel the date right then and there."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:
"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
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| Planet Sun This redhead, brunette, and blonde were talking about space travel. They started talking about which planet they'd go to if they could travel in space.
The redhead said,"I'd go to Mars, because it is red, like my hair."
Then the brunette, not to be outdone, said,"Well I'd go to Saturn, because it's got all those groovy rings."
Finally, the blonde spoke up. She said,"I'd go to the Sun."
The redhead and the brunette laughed.
The redhead said,"Number one, the sun is not a planet." "And number two," the brunette finished,"you'd burn up."
The blonde said,"Well duh! I'd go at night!!!"
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| Signing Checks Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".
Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.
He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've been signing your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed with three XXX's..."
Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."
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