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Men Should Listen

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "WITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

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It All Comes Back Around

At age 4 success is . . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a driver's license.

At age 35 success is . . . .having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . ... . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . .. . Not piddling in your pants.

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Male Bashing

Q. What did God say after creating Adam A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg? A. They won't stop to ask for directions.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike? A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common? A. They are all married.

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The Choice

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both were equally attractive and well spoken. It was up to the senior partner to choose one, so he took each aside and asked, "Why did you become a lawyer?"

In seconds, he chose Paul. Baffled, Robert took Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution, and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replied.

"Your hands? What do you mean?"

"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

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Free Parenting Humor from the New Yorker

With the new school year starting, parents can use a good laugh to start the day. The New Yorker Parenting Cartoons ezine has just what you need!

Subscribers to this free ezine will receive a New Yorker cartoon every morning by e-mail -- a service available only from ArcaMax! New subscribers will also receive a New Yorker-style cartoon with their name in the caption, perfect for sharing with family and friends!

For more cartoons every morning, sign up for the Dogs and Cats, Food Humor, Love & Relationships, and Office Humor ezines.

Subscribe to New Yorker Parenting Humor.

-- From the ArcaMax editors

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