Today's Jokes Plus Free 2010 Calendars

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Free 2010 Calendars Many to choose from. Pillsbury, Eat Better America, Outdoor calendars, Military calendars, and more! Click here for details...
Florida Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver... "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
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Falling Apart There's quite an art to falling apart .... as these years go by. And life Doesn't begin at 40 .... That's a Big Fat Lie! My hair's gettin' thinner .... my Body is Not. The few Teeth I have .... are beginning to Rot! I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub .... Not Chanel #5. My new Pacemaker's all .... that keepin' me alive! When asked of my past .... Every Detail I'll know. But what was I doin' .... just 10 minutes ago? Well, you get the Idea .... what More can I say? I'm off to read the Obits .... like I do every Day. If my name is not there .... I'll once again Start - Perfecting the Art .... Of Falling Apart! But til' That Last Curtain .... Decides to Fall, I'm gonna' have .... Myself a Ball!
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English School Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
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Dog names "Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son. "Bob," he said. "And what's your cat's name?" "Bob." "Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked. "Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered. "Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested. The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."
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