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Signs You're "All Grown-Up Now" -- You keep more food than beer in the fridge. -- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. -- You hear your favorite song on an elevator. -- You watch the Weather Channel. -- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. -- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. -- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." -- You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo. -- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. -- Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. -- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. -- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. -- Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one. -- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." -- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. -- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. -- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. -- You read this entire list, looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, but, can't find one to save your life.
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Close Call A Truck ran a red light, almost side swiping our car. As my husband veered away, he threw his arm across me, protecting me from a possible collision. I was ready to plant a big kiss on my hero's cheek when he apologized. In his haste, he admitted, he had forgotten it was me in the front seat and not our black Labrador, Checkers.
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Dieting? For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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The Violin Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. Uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know!"
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Homemade Costumes for Kids Halloween is less than two weeks away! If you're running behind on planning Halloween costumes for your kids, try these quick and simple tips for helping them get ready for trick-or-treating in style. For more costume tips, as well as help with party planning, recipes, and more, check out the new ArcaMax Halloween feature. Subscribe to ArcaMax Parents instantly for more parenting tips all year long. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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