Today's Jokes Plus Asking the Q...how do I make money fast?

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Luckily for everyone who has ever had that question come to mind there is an answer! There are several ways to make money quickly online... You can be in the comfort of your own home...in your pajamas sipping coffee while working...it's not difficult at all. Over all there are tons of ways to make money online but there's one that's tried and true & the best of the best. Click hear to find out which one...
How an ATM works... I rode home with a female coworker about five years ago. I asked her to wait for me while I used the ATM machine. She asked if I trusted "those people." "People *who*?" I asked? She said, "The ATM operates by having a person inside the box. Every time you put in your card, he takes it, looks at it, and checks his paper files and folders for your account number. Here he can find your PIN and check the balance. This person then asks you to ENTER your PIN, cross checks it, and if all matches, you can proceed. If not, he keeps your card. "If you ask for a statement, he types it from his books and you get the printout. If you ask for a withdrawal, he checks the balance and any restrictions, and if all is ok, gives you the amount. He *then* calls all of the other branches and ATMs, tells them how much you've withdrawn, so they can update *their* books. "Wonder where they find all those little people at??" This person with her ATM theory might have been misinformed...
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Headlines from 2040 -- Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped. -- Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million. -- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. -- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. -- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $7.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. -- 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. -- Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. -- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. -- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. -- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2041. -- Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. -- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%
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Housecleaning Hints -- Windows: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone. -- Cobwebs: Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them and call them holiday decorations.) -- Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.) -- Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive." -- Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes." -- General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean... Works every time. -- Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck: Always keep several get-well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.
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Messy Husband A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
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Carve the Perfect Jack-O-Lantern Decorate your doorstep with a traditional Halloween Jack-O-Lantern -- get tips on making it look perfect! More decorating tips, as well as delicious fall recipes, trick-or-treating safety information, and last-minute costume ideas, are all available from the ArcaMax Halloween feature. Visit now and be ready for next week! -- From the ArcaMax editors
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