Today's Jokes Plus Gay Marriage Opinion Poll

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Sea Mammal A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd por- poise on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free. "Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?" "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor, "That would be defeeting the porpoise."
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Hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked. "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"
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New Car Reasons You Should Buy a New Car: Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped. 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep you car for 3 days. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?" Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club". While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom' noises while in the driveway. You keep losing dates on left turns.
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Best Friends? There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend. And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time. "Shawn," said Pat, "can you hear me?" Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can." Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?" "Yes, I do Patty," Shawn strained. "And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?" said Pat. "Yes Patty, I do," whispered Shawn. "It's a very "old" bottle now, you know," urged Pat. "And what are you gettin' at Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly. "Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?
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Religious News: Five clerics killed in Somalia and Shiites renounce Iraq reprisals ArcaMax Publishing is now offering a free Religious News ezine, featuring the most interesting and significant events from around the world. From the churches and temples to the important court cases and education issues -- you'll stay informed and up to date with this daily publication. Subscribe to this daily ezine instantly. While you are waiting for your first edition, here are some recent headlines: Five clerics killed in Somalia Shiites renounce violent Iraq reprisals Synagogue vandalizer's arrest revealed -- From the ArcaMax editors
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