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| One Parachute In a plane that's about to crash, there are three passengers: the wisest man on earth, a student, and a politician.
When they find out that the plane is about to go down and there is only one parachute between the three of them they debate about who would sacrifice his life for the country and who will jump to safety.
The politician says he's responsible for running the country, so of course, he should be the one to jump.
The wise man says he's got to serve mankind, so he should be the one who jumps.
The student says he is the future, and he should be the recipient of the parachute.
As the kid speaks, the wise man grabs the bag and leaps wildly out of the plane.
The politician is astounded, but the student remains calm.
"Why are you so calm? We're both about to die!" exclaims the politician.
The student replies, "Well wisdom just leapt out with my school bag, so the future can hang on to politics and feel safe."
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| More Words Not Yet In The Dictionary ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
PETONIC (peh ton' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
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| The Blonde Kidnapper Jodi, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Jodi -- the Blonde."
Jodi then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Jodi opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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| Life Lessons Learned From A Dog 1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the face is effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss. |
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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