Today's Jokes Plus Get a Free Blackberry!

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Beer, eh A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
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Be Politically Correct With Women She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
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Why it's better to be a Woman! - We got off the Titanic first. - We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. - Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. - We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. - We can cry and get off speeding fines. - We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. - Taxis stop for us. - Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. - We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. - Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). - We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. - We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. - New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. - It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. - We don't have to "noisily pass wind" to amuse ourselves.
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It's Time to Get Out of College When... - You know the pizza boy by name. - You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark. - You live for getting mail. (E-mail included) - Prank phone calls become funny again. - Wal-Mart is the coolest store. - World War III could take place and you'd be clueless. - You start thinking and sounding like your roommate. - Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth. - Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime. - You find out milk crates have so many uses. - The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).
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Free Parenting Humor from the New Yorker With the new school year starting, parents can use a good laugh to start the day. The New Yorker Parenting Cartoons ezine has just what you need! Subscribers to this free ezine will receive a New Yorker cartoon every morning by e-mail -- a service available only from ArcaMax! New subscribers will also receive a New Yorker-style cartoon with their name in the caption, perfect for sharing with family and friends! For more cartoons every morning, sign up for the Dogs and Cats, Food Humor, Love & Relationships, and Office Humor ezines. Subscribe to New Yorker Parenting Humor. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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