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| Look Different A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.
"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"
Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!" |
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| You Know You're Addicted to Coffee When... -You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
-People get dizzy just watching you.
-Instant coffee takes too long.
-You channel surf faster without a remote.
-You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
-You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
-You short out motion detectors.
-You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
-Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
-You help your dog chase its tail.
-You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
-Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
-You ski uphill.
-You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
-You answer the door before people knock.
-You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. |
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| Newspaper Headline Comedy - Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
- Air Head Fired
- Steals Clock, Faces Time
- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
- Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
- Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
- Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
- Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
- Include Your Children When Baking Cookies |
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| Fun Activities for the Pool - Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
- Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
- Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
- Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
- Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
- Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
- When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
- Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.
- Hit strangers with your wet towel.
- Throw people's things into the pool.
- Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale.
- Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
- Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately. |
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| Free Health Tips from the You Docs Start improving your lifestyle today with help from the You Docs.
Doctors Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz, as seen on "Oprah," have been offering simple, effective advice to readers and viewers for years. Now their health tips are available free by e-mail from ArcaMax.
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
| To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel. |
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